Kobe, Tell Me How My Ass Taste

Finally breaking his silence about Shaquille O’Neal’s controversial freestyle rap, Kobe Bryant revealed to SSNN that – not surprisingly – he’s unhappy with his former teammate’s request to tell him how his ass tastes.

“Everyone suddenly thinks I’m an expert on ass-tasting,” Bryant said. “Yes, I’ve tasted a couple of asses in my time. There was this girl in high school whose ass I tasted two or three times, there was that girl in Colorado and then one time in practice I had an awkward fall and I got a real good taste of Chris Mihm’s ass.

“But that’s just three ass-tastings, excluding Shaq’s, in my whole life. I’m not exactly sure what qualifies as an experienced ass taster, but I’m not it. I simply don’t have the basis for comparison.”

Bryant also went on record to describe O’Neal’s ass taste as quite predictable. He said it’s very fleshy, a little sweaty and very, very bitter. Bryant added there’s a strong hint of jealousy and regret as well.